Previous English leader Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been identified with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet face the full implications of the muscle-degenerating condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was part of the World Cup champion 2003 side and won numerous English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast two weeks after discovering he has the illness.
"There's an element of confronting what lies ahead and hesitating to fully comprehend that at the minute," he stated.
"It isn't that I fail to comprehend where it's progressing. We grasp that. But there is definitely a reluctance to confront the future for now."
Moody, talking together with his wife Annie, says rather he feels "calm" as he focuses on his immediate health, his family and planning ahead for when the disease deteriorates.
"Possibly that's trauma or possibly I handle situations uniquely, and when I have the details, it's simpler," he stated further.
Initial Symptoms
Moody found out he had MND after detecting some weakness in his shoulder while training in the gym.
After rehabilitation didn't help the condition, a set of scans revealed nerves in his central nervous system had been damaged by MND.
"You receive this diagnosis of MND and we're understandably quite moved about it, but it's quite odd because I think everything is fine," he added.
"I don't feel sick. I don't experience sick
"The signs I have are very minor. I have some muscle deterioration in the hand and the shoulder.
"I'm still able to performing whatever I want. And optimistically that will continue for as long as is possible."
Illness Progression
MND can advance rapidly.
According to the non-profit MND Association, the disease claims a 33% of people within a twelve months and above half within two years of detection, as eating and inhalation become harder.
Medical care can only retard decline.
"It's never me that I feel sad for," stated an affected Moody.
"There's grief around having to inform my mum - as an single child - and the implications that has for her."
Personal Effect
Talking from the family home with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by sentiment when he mentioned informing his sons - teenage Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the heartbreaking news, commenting: "This was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two brilliant boys and that was pretty devastating," Moody said.
"We positioned ourselves on the couch in weeping, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog jumped over and started removing the moisture off our faces, which was quite amusing."
Moody explained the emphasis was staying in the now.
"There exists no treatment and that is why you have to be very intensely focused on just welcoming and appreciating each moment now," he said.
"As Annie said, we've been truly blessed that the sole decision I made when I retired from playing was to allocate as much period with the kids as feasible. We can't reclaim those years back."
Athlete Association
Professional competitors are disproportionately impacted by MND, with research indicating the prevalence of the condition is up to sixfold elevated than in the wider community.
It is thought that by limiting the O2 available and creating injury to motor neurone cells, frequent, strenuous physical activity can activate the condition in those previously genetically susceptible.
Rugby Playing Days
Moody, who earned 71 England appearances and toured with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in honour of his brave, unwavering method to the game.
He participated through a stress fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once sparked a training-ground scuffle with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, irritated, he discarded a training equipment and started throwing himself into tackles.
After coming on as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the end of the throw-in in the crucial passage of play, creating a base for playmaker Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to score the game-deciding drop kick.
Support Network
Moody has earlier informed Johnson, who skippered England to that championship, and a couple of other previous colleagues about his condition, but the remaining individuals will be learning his news with the rest of public.
"We'll have a period when we'll need to lean on their backing but, at the moment, just having that type of affection and recognition that people are there is what's important," he stated.
"Rugby is such a great community.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an extraordinary life.
"Even should it ended now, I've enjoyed all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you get to label your passion your vocation, it's one of the most important honors.
"To have done it for so extended a period with the squads that I did it with was a joy. And I understand they will wish to assist in whatever way they can and I await having those talks."
