Those Words shared by My Father That Helped Me during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to take a break - taking a couple of days overseas, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "bad decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, staying active and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."